3 weeks ago after we got off the video call with my mom’s new oncologist, I called my mom’s cardiologist to request clearance from him for her 6/22/26 scheduled surgery.
I called every week and left messages to follow up on the status. I left a voicemail message with the answering service on Monday night and Tuesday morning, one of the office staff returned my call. They said they received my message but was unclear what I had called in to follow up on. Soooo frustrating! I explain the need for the cardiologist’s clearance for my mom’s upcoming surgery and after digging around in my mom’s file, they tell me that her cardiologist will need to see her and they have been calling my mom to try and schedule an appointment. I understand why they would try my mom first, but I have personally called in every week for the past 3 weeks, why couldn’t they call my number!!!
They put us on his schedule for the next day (today) so I rearranged my work schedule to accommodate this last minute appointment. We show up today and her cardiologist says “I don’t have the test results. Where did she have it done? I will have to review the test results.”
First of all, my mom has been to TWO follow up cardiologist appointments since she was released from the hospital where she received her CT Angiography and Cardiac Catheterization (1/26/26 & 2/23/26) and we discussed the tests and the results during both of those visits!
Second of all, both myself and the oncologist office have been requesting surgery clearance for my mom for the past 3 weeks!
Why are we just now finding out that you don’t have test results?!! Make it make sense, PLEASE!
I was so annoyed, and I’m sure that’s what prompted my mom’s unease on our drive home but my mood went from bad to worse.
My mom started questioning what the surgery was for, why she even had a cardiologist. All this confusion but she rolls her eyes and vehemently disagrees when I tell her to check “issues with memory” on a form she is filling out at her oncologist appointment yesterday. I was triggered! I started lecturing her about what the oncologist had drawn for her and explained, she replied with, I didn’t understand what she was saying. No one talks to me, they only talk to you. We went back and forth, and she got out of the car after I pulled into the driveway and our conversation ended abruptly.
I asked Gemini for advice and got this very helpful response “I am so sorry you and your mom are going through this. Balancing the weight of a serious cancer diagnosis with cognitive changes is incredibly heavy, and it is completely understandable that she feels out of control. When memory slips, the world can feel like it’s happening to you rather than with you, and her desire to be spoken to directly is a deeply human need for dignity.”
I am going to do a better job of making sure her doctors talk more directly to her during her appointments. I also updated a timeline document to print out for my mom to reference. I created the document earlier this year and honestly seeing it all laid out was so overwhelming. It’s hard to comprehend what she has endured, what life has been like for our family for the past 10 months. It made me want to SCREAM cry.
I know our story is not unique. I’m sure every family who has dealt with cancer has suffered similar experiences. But seeing it all laid out is so incredibly surreal. It’s like, we lived it, I know we did, but I don’t know HOW we did it?!? And it’s still not over.
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