Heartless & Traumatized

Wendy K.Leave a comment

If you have been reading my posts, you may recall my “Bad Guy” post from 4/28/26 when I mentioned this crazy thought:

“Uninstalling the LibreLinkUp app and just live in blissful ignorance about my mom’s blood sugar.”

Well, I did UNINSTALL the app. Jon agreed to keep the LibreLinkUp app installed on his phone so he could monitor his dad and my mom (both diabetics). It was great, until it wasn’t.

On the morning of Friday, 5/15/2026, for the THIRD time this year, we called the paramedics for my mom and she was taken to the ER. A second hypoglycemic episode.

The ABSOLUTE WORST part of this incident was that my 4 year old son is the one who discovered my mom in this altered state.

Jon had left for a breakfast meeting and I had left to take my 13 year old son to school. My 4 year old woke up around 7am and went to see his Ahma in her room. He found her acting strange and non-responsive. He ran upstairs to tell his Aiyee and big sister, “something is wrong with Ahma, call an ambulance!”

My 24 year old daughter called me. The way she described my mom’s behavior, I assumed my mom was having another low blood sugar incident. I told her to get some orange juice for my mom and I rushed home. I was able to get my mom to drink some of the orange juice, feed her some milk chocolate, and keep her safe on her bed while we waited for the paramedics to arrive.

I called Jon and asked what her blood sugar was, he said it had stopped registering around midnight and sent me this screenshot. UGH!

Before my mom’s phone was turned back on

We thought her sensor had expired but it turned out that she turned her phone off because she did not want to hear notifications beeping while she was sleeping. I HAVE NO WORDS!!! When I turned it back on, this is what registered on her glucose monitor!

After my mom’s phone was turned back on

So many expletives were running through my mind. I had a lot of things to be annoyed and upset about but honestly, I was just NUMB.

The next paragraph probably makes me seem heartless but the harsh reality is that I am becoming desensitized. I knew what to expect and what was next. The paramedics loaded my mom up in the ambulance and I carried on with my day. I kept my CT scan appointment and handled that before Jon and I even went to the ER. I knew it would be a couple of hours before she got settled. We checked in with her and made sure she was ok but we didn’t wait at the hospital with her. I didn’t see a point just staring at her sleeping. After she was discharged from the ER, we took her to her labwork appointment. She had required prep work for her biopsy procedure scheduled for the following Wednesday, 5/20/26. Everything returned back to status quo quickly, everything EXCEPT my 4 year old.

He was (and still is) TRAUMATIZED! He is constantly on edge. Always concerned. There has not been a single day since 5/15 that we have not heard him utter some form of these words, multiple times a day.

“I’m scared for Ahma, she is sick.”

“I am worried about Ahma”

“Daddy, check Ahma’s blood sugar”

“Daddy, check granddad’s blood sugar”

“Mommy, come with me to check on Ahma”

“Ahma, you need to eat something”

“Ahma, you need to take your medicine”

“I’m scared”

No matter how much my mom tries to convince him that she’s not sick, he continues to worry. My son saved my mom’s life and has witnessed things that a child cannot easily process or understand. I know these experiences make him into a caring human but my heart is so very heavy with sadness for my little empathetic boy.

Growing Up is Overrated

Wendy K.Leave a comment

When you’re a kid, you can’t wait to grow up to be in charge. It’s a shame that the price you pay for all that independence is overwhelming responsibility and the byproducts of getting OLD.

Sure, you can stay out as late as you want but once you hit your mid 40s, your vision turns to crap, your metabolism tanks, and the only bottles popping, are bottles of ibuprofen and prescription pills.

Last month (5/8/26), I finally took care of having several legal documents for my mom and sister signed and notarized.

  • Durable Power of Attorney
  • Medical Power of Attorney
  • HIPAA Authorization
  • Advance Directive
  • Last Will in Testament

I am grateful for my friend who is a notary. She scheduled time to come to our house to check off this morbidly uncomfortable task that has been lurking on my to do list for months!

That same day, after all the documents were signed, I rushed my sister to a doctor appointment. We established my sister as a patient with a new doctor because the prior one was not taking my requests for genetic testing seriously. To simplify things, my sister and mom are now patients at the same practice. I can login to a patient portal and communicate with both their medical teams. This is WINNING in your 40s!

These last few months have been filled with a barrage of medical appointments for my mom, my sister, & myself. Dentist appointments, well-women exams, mammograms, blood work, a biopsy procedure, oncologist appointments, an urgent care visit, CT scans, PET scans, ultrasounds, and on and on. Unfortunately, in the month of June we have even more excitement to brave:

– a cardiologist appointment for me

– genetic counseling / testing for both my sister and I

– physical for my sister

– additional dentist appointments for my mom and sister

– and the icing on the cake, a 3 hour full hysterectomy and omentum surgery for my mom.

Why surgery?!? Well the biopsy (5/20/26) of the mass identified in my mom’s PET scan was not cancerous. Ironically it is probably inflammation or a collection of dead cells caused by the chemotherapy. As planned, after my mom finished her chemo sessions, her oncologist referred her to a gynecologic oncologist. We had a video conference with this new doctor on 5/27/26, and she recommended surgery for my mom. Her cardiologist will have to give his approval but my mom’s surgery is scheduled for 6/22/26.

My mom is understandably freaked out and is considering not going through with the surgery. Honestly, I’m not sure if her cardiologist will even clear her for it. I called her cardiologist 3 times over the past 3 weeks and have been unable to get a green light from him. My mom has two oncologist appointments this week, Tuesday with her new doctor and Thursday with her original doctor. I encouraged her to share her concerns about surgery and next steps with them. We should know more after this week.

Toys “R” Us had the right idea, I don’t wanna grow up!

Hey, what’s going on?

Wendy K.Leave a comment

“And so I cry sometimes when I’m lying in bed / Just to get it all out, what’s in my head / And I, I am feeling a little peculiar” – 4 Non Blondes

5/2/26 – About a week prior, I started to experience some shoulder and neck pain. I didn’t give it much thought, just attributed the discomfort to sleeping weird or pulling a muscle. After a week the pain had not subsided and started to move to the left side of my chest, I started to have a conversation with Gemini (my AI friend). No matter how I tried to convince Gemini that it was probably nothing, Gemini continued to recommend an ER or urgent care visit. I felt “off” enough to comply. 2.5 hours and an EKG later, the urgent care doctor said she believed it was probably musculoskeletal. She also said, “your EKG was mostly normal, but you should follow up with a cardiologist.”

When you’re in your 40s these are the type of stickers you get at the doctor office 🫣

So yeah, the fun continues.

5/4/26 – PET Scan, TAKE 2. 🙄 I specifically requested the scheduler for a Monday appointment because Jon and I would be home Sunday to remind & encourage my mom to adhere to the no carb diet restriction. I was worried whether we would get the results in time for her oncologist appointment the very next day, but the scheduler was helpful and said we could request a rush on the report.

I am highly skeptical that she actually ate 0 carbs / sugar and fasted from midnight based on her glucose levels but I took her to the PET scan appointment and saved the screenshot to share with her oncologist if the results seemed strange.

5/5/26 – Took my mom to my mammogram appointment so she wouldn’t be late for her oncologist appointment…because in the midst of managing all of her appointments…I am supposed to stay on top of my own healthcare needs.

We made it to her 3:45pm appointment with her oncologist. Good news, the PET scan did not show active cancer. Weird news, the PET scan showed a mass in the abdomen. It explains the pain my mom has been experiencing since January when she was discharged from her 2 week stay in the hospital. The mass did not show up in her CT scan or the ultrasound so her doctor was surprised to see it in her PET scan. Next step, biopsy of the mass to determine if it is cancerous.

Bad Guy

Wendy K.1 Comment

I’m the bad guy, but not the cool version that Billie Eilish sings about, the one that annoys 73 year old women and make them avoid you like the plague.

I am sick of being the bad guy…

  • the one who has to question why my nom still has medicine in her Mon AM pill slot on Monday evening
  • the one who has to obsess about what she is eating 24 hours before a scheduled PET scan because of the required no carb, no sugar diet restriction.
  • the one who has to cancel the PET scan the evening before because her blood sugar dipped too low, forcing her to eat carbs / sugar for a quick fix
  • the one who has to ask her if she’s gotten out of bed and walked around when your sister says she’s in pain and can’t move in the bed
  • the one who has to repeatedly answer the same questions because she either has chemo brain fog or dementia or “doesn’t pay attention to what I say” (her words not mine)

Thoughts that have crossed my mind today…

  • Uninstalling the LibreLinkUp app and just live in blissful ignorance about my mom’s blood sugar.
  • Not monitoring her diet before her PET Scan scheduled for next Monday and letting the results be what they are, even if it ends up being erroneous.
  • Running away (just kidding, 🤔)

Detour

Wendy K.Leave a comment

My mom’s oncologist decided that one more round of chemo was in the cards. Boooo hisss ewwwww!!! So on 4/7/26 instead of starting maintenance like we originally hoped, my mom had her 7th round of chemotherapy.

I had a work conflict so I asked for help from family to drop my mom off at her chemo appointment. I packed her lunch and snacks for the day and asked her to make sure she took her insulin and syringes. She was annoyed with my micromanaging and after a series of eye rolling and requests for me to “just leave” I lost my temper and left for work angry!

Later that morning when I checked her location, Life360 showed her phone still at home and her Continuous Glucose Monitor had stopped tracking since 8:15 am. There were two possibilities, she left her phone at home or her cellular was disabled. I stated to panic but reminded myself that she had nurses around so if something happened they could handle or call me.

Honestly, it ended up being a blessing to be disconnected for the day.

Next Stop: Maintenance

Wendy K.1 Comment

My mom’s 6th chemotherapy was last Tuesday, March 17th. It was originally scheduled for Friday, March 13th but had to be postponed to accommodate a new port placement on Monday, March 16th.

I am nervous about the possibility of this new port becoming infected like the last one but with 13 months of maintenance, requiring Bevacizumab infusions every 3 weeks, a new port made sense.

My mom has had continued discomfort on the left side of her abdomen under the breast but after two chest x-rays and an abdominal ultrasound, her oncologist is not seeing anything concerning. She has had to take a couple of doses of pain medication which has its own adverse side effect of constipation.

My mom still suffers from poor appetite but she does make an attempt to eat and drink. Her efforts are evident with no additional hospitalizations after her last 3 treatments. So I consider that WINNING!

I was hopeful that maintenance would be a time of recovery for my mom, but I learned at her last oncologist appointment that she will also be prescribed oral pills in addition to the Bevacizumab infusions. In my initial research and conversations with the infusion nurses, I learned that pill medications during maintenance usually result in continued nausea and other unpleasant symptoms. This was so disheartening. I have been avoiding talking about this with my mom. I wanted her to enjoy the milestone of completing her 6 rounds of chemotherapy without the dark cloud of 13 months of continued maintenance.

She has bloodwork scheduled for Monday, an appointment with her oncologist on Thursday and a PET scan in the near future.

I continue to be anxious about her memory but only time will tell if it’s chemo brain or dementia.

She’s come a long way and I really hope things become easier for her.

Life has been busy and things eerily calm with my mom’s cancer…in this case, no news really meant good news. I appreciate those who randomly text me and ask about my mom. Thank you for keeping her in your thoughts.

Food Fight

Wendy K.Leave a comment

I wonder if other families going through cancer have the same frustrations with food or if this is just a ME thing.

As long as I can remember, food has always been such an important part of my life. Food has always equaled love for me. When I was a kid, I remember my dad coming to pick me and my sister up to take us to McDonald’s on the weekends before we moved out of state (California to Texas). When we would visit him for Spring Break, Winter Break, & Summer vacation, we had multi-dish dinners every night and he would keep his house stocked with all our favorite quick prep microwave foods, snacks, & drinks to help ourselves to when he was at work. My mom worked full-time but still managed to cook dinner for us every night. She always found some way to efficiently create balanced meals with carbs, protein, & vegetables all in one pot. And I have fond memories of weekend trips to Chinatown (Richardson, TX) to enjoy lunch with my mom and sister. Every one of our family / friend get togethers centered around food and lots of it! To this day, if I were to call my mom or dad on the phone, one of the first questions I would be asked is, “have you eaten?” 🥰

The unhealthy side of my relationship with food involved being forced to clean my plate and never wasting food. It led to bad habits of over overeating that I honestly still struggle with as an adult. I am also very conscientious of wasting food and have a difficult time throwing leftovers away and cleaning not just my own plate but my family’s plates too. I was also cursed with digestive challenges. If I wasn’t throwing up from motion sickness or drinking carbonated beverages then I was struggling with constipation. I avoided sodas as a kid and I am still obsessed with getting enough fiber every day.

When I became a mom, my biggest struggle with my children was food related. While my best friend focused on sleep training her children, I was obsessed with their food intake. Her children slept independently within months, while my two youngest still have terrible sleep habits. I was always willing to sacrifice my own sleep, but I was never willing to compromise on making sure they ate balanced meals.

I guess knowing all this about myself, I shouldn’t be surprised that this is the one area that is the most contentious for my mom and I.

Her lack of an appetite, the amount of food, and nutritional quality she intakes has consumed so much of my daily interactions with my mom. I know that both of us are beyond frustrated with each other.

She had her fifth chemotherapy session this last Friday, 2/20/26 and these are the high/low glucose alerts from Friday thru Sunday morning.

We both feel out of control for very different reasons. She doesn’t understand why after being able to control and manage her diabetes for about 30 years independently it has become so challenging now. I feel out of control because she is 73 years old and “she knows her body” better than me and the doctors.

Here’s what I do know, most cancer patients do not actually die from the cancer. At least three people have told me that their loved ones died from pneumonia, and two people have told me their loved ones fell and suffered fatal head trauma.

My mom is scheduled to have her last chemo infusion mid-March and then she will be in “maintenance”. But it’s hard not to be doom and gloom, knowing the dangers of a weakened immune system and the fact that she also has three severely blocked heart valves.

What if…🥺

There are too many things to worry about for this pessimist. My best friend reminds me to consider how I want to remember my relationship with my mom. I know I don’t want our last interactions to be fraught with arguments. I need the strength to keep my mouth shut and letting things be if there is no immediate danger. She has insulin to combat the highs and glucose gummies to deal with the lows. It is what it is.

Resetting The Year

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Tuesday, February 17, 2006 was Lunar New Year! Honestly, January 2026 started off so stressful that I was glad for a redo! I’m officially counting Lunar New Year as the start of our 2026, bidding farewell to all the negative experiences and welcoming positive energy and good vibes!

Year of the Horse

On Lunar New Year’s Eve and Lunar New Year’s Day, I made sure to wear red, down to my shoes! Red symbolizes “good fortune, happiness, vitality, and the warding off of evil spirits”.

My mom and I decorated the house with pops of red Sunday night and we hosted New Year’s Eve dinner on Monday. It was good to see my mom excited to celebrate. I outsourced about 80% of our dinner, and it was the best decision!

My mom really wanted to cook the dishes herself but I told her it would be easier if we just bought prepared food. We drove to Chinatown the Saturday before and purchased duck, chicken, bbq pork, roast pork, dumplings, sticky rice, steamed buns, shumai, & sticky rice cake.

On Monday, I left work early so I could get home to heat up all our prepared food and cook a few additional dishes (rice noodles, cauliflower, & broccoli).

My mom came into the kitchen to help but after a little bit, she said she was tired and wanted to take a nap. She ate 2 shumai dumplings before going to her room and that ended up being the only thing she ate the rest of the evening. This made me sad but I was happy that she had the energy to be physically present with us the entire evening even if she didn’t eat. She did enjoy the food as leftovers the rest of the week.

Today, my mom had an appointment with her oncologist. He shared the good news that her CA-125 level was now at 44 (down from over 200). This means that she does appear to be responsive to the treatment so she will continue moving forward with her original treatment plan. Her fifth treatment is tomorrow and if all goes well, the sixth and final treatment should occur on March 13th! She will still have maintenance every 3 weeks to suppress new cancer growth but it will not be chemotherapy and it should be easier on her body.

Obviously a lot can happen between chemo infusion treatments, but we are going to celebrate the positive news and continue to take it one day at a time.

I may consider wearing red every single day this year, ha!

Side story: In Chinatown, some establishments are CASH ONLY. This past Saturday, I forgot to bring cash with me. I had some cash but definitely not enough to pay for my entire order. This amazing person noticed me panicking after I placed my order. He offered to give me cash in exchange for Zelle. I had no cell service so I had to call Jon and ask him to Zelle money to this stranger. This dude straight up gave me $200 cash and was not even concerned about me not being able to show him proof that the Zelle had been sent. Yes, I could have gone to the bank or cancelled the order but thanks to a nice stranger, I didn’t have to. So Alex, thank you for easing my day! I’m so grateful for your kindness!

Enough

Wendy K.1 Comment

The passing of James Van Der Beek is heartbreaking. It’s a reality check for me that treatment doesn’t always result in cure.

Last Thursday, my mom’s oncologist raised a concern that my mom’s latest blood tests showed her CA-125 (or CA-124?) level was in the 200s (previously it had gone down to 191). He said that my mom may be resistant to her treatment and recommended continued lab work over the next couple of weeks before determining next steps. His hope is to continue with her treatment but hinted that a change in plans may be required.

I recently created a count down calendar for my mom. I pencilled in the last two infusion treatments, showing her that if she stayed healthy enough to maintain the every 3 week schedule, her final treatment would be March 13th!

Now, we are back in the unknown. I am worried that if she has to change treatments, it will mean more than 2 more treatments. I question whether my mom’s heart and mental state can endure it.

All of this has been overwhelming, but we will continue to take it one day at a time, because what’s the alternative?

My mind has been heavy with existential thoughts. No doubt inspired by my mom’s cancer diagnosis and her long hospital stays. The recent unexpected passing of my best friend’s dad, who was a mentor to me early in my career was yet another reminder of the fragility of life. I have been anxiously thinking about what I should be doing to ensure I lived a worthwhile existence. The only thing I can think to do is to just be present. I don’t know what will ultimately be the outcome of my mom’s fight with cancer, but I will continue to be in the day to day with her and make sure she knows how much I love her and how much she matters to me.

A few years ago I read “When Breath Becomes Air” by Paul Kalanith. The book is a personal account of a neurosurgeon’s journey with terminal lung cancer. It was raw, tragic, & beautiful. At the time of his death, his daughter was 8 months old and he writes the most powerful message to her:

“When you come to one of the many moments in life where you must give an account of yourself, provide a ledger of what you have been, and done, and meant to the world, do not, I pray, discount that you filled a dying man’s days with a sated joy, a joy unknown to me in all my prior years, a joy that does not hunger for more and more but rests, satisfied. In this time, right now, that is an enormous thing”.

How I interpreted this message was that she will never have to accomplish anything else in her life to matter, just her existence was enough. Ugly tears!!!

Then, I came across this today…

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DG9aMcDOnrJ/?igsh=MTF1eHU2N2lkb2thbA==

…and honestly James’s birthday reflection echos the same message. “I am worthy of love. Because you are.”

I certainly feel this way about my children. I hope they never feel the burden to have to prove themselves, the fact that they exist is enough.

We are all enough ❤️

False Alarm

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In my last post, I recommended using a continuous glucose monitor, and then hours later, we experienced our first false alarm, meh!

Right around 1:30am this morning, the first alarm wakes me up and warns that my mom’s blood sugar is low. I bring her a peanut butter sandwich. She tells me that she had just finished snacking on a cookie and her blood sugar was in the 100s a few seconds ago. She eats half of the sandwich anyway and drinks some Glucerna.

A few minutes later the Libre app adjusts and corrects her glucose numbers.

I asked ChatGPT about it and this is what it said…

1. It measures interstitial fluid, not blood

The sensor reads glucose in the fluid between cells, which lags behind blood glucose by ~5–15 minutes.

If glucose is rising or falling quickly, you can see brief dips or spikes that don’t last. The algorithm may briefly interpret a downward trend, then correct itself.

This is the #1 reason for quick flip-flops.

2. Compression lows (very common)

If pressure is on the sensor—like:

Lying on it Leaning against a chair or armrest Tight clothing or a BP cuff

Blood flow around the sensor drops → the reading can suddenly look low, then pop back up once pressure is relieved.

3. Algorithm smoothing & recalculation

Libre 3 Plus updates every minute, but it also:

Uses recent readings to predict trends Recalculates when new data comes in

So you might see:

Minute 1: “Hmm, looks low” Minute 2: “Okay, nope—false alarm”

Especially common when glucose is hovering near a threshold.

4. Sensor settling or aging

First 24 hours after applying a new sensor = more noise Last day or two before expiration can also be jumpy

This doesn’t mean it’s broken—just less stable.

5. Hydration & circulation

Dehydration, poor circulation, or illness (very relevant during chemo, infections, or hospital stays) can make readings fluctuate more than usual.

Now we know 😑 My mom was already annoyed with the beeping, false alarms are definitely not helping matters. 😳 I am still a fan, even if it erroneously interrupted my sleep this morning.