Enough

Wendy K.Leave a comment

The passing of James Van Der Beek is heartbreaking. It’s a reality check for me that treatment doesn’t always result in cure.

Last Thursday, my mom’s oncologist raised a concern that my mom’s latest blood tests showed her CA-125 (or CA-124?) level was in the 200s (previously it had gone down to 191). He said that my mom may be resistant to her treatment and recommended continued lab work over the next couple of weeks before determining next steps. His hope is to continue with her treatment but hinted that a change in plans may be required.

I recently created a count down calendar for my mom. I pencilled in the last two infusion treatments, showing her that if she stayed healthy enough to maintain the every 3 week schedule, her final treatment would be March 13th!

Now, we are back in the unknown. I am worried that if she has to change treatments, it will mean more than 2 more treatments. I question whether my mom’s heart and mental state can endure it.

All of this has been overwhelming, but we will continue to take it one day at a time, because what’s the alternative?

My mind has been heavy with existential thoughts. No doubt inspired by my mom’s cancer diagnosis and her long hospital stays. The recent unexpected passing of my best friend’s dad, who was a mentor to me early in my career was yet another reminder of the fragility of life. I have been anxiously thinking about what I should be doing to ensure I lived a worthwhile existence. The only thing I can think to do is to just be present. I don’t know what will ultimately be the outcome of my mom’s fight with cancer, but I will continue to be in the day to day with her and make sure she knows how much I love her and how much she matters to me.

A few years ago I read “When Breath Becomes Air” by Paul Kalanith. The book is a personal account of a neurosurgeon’s journey with terminal lung cancer. It was raw, tragic, & beautiful. At the time of his death, his daughter was 8 months old and he writes the most powerful message to her:

“When you come to one of the many moments in life where you must give an account of yourself, provide a ledger of what you have been, and done, and meant to the world, do not, I pray, discount that you filled a dying man’s days with a sated joy, a joy unknown to me in all my prior years, a joy that does not hunger for more and more but rests, satisfied. In this time, right now, that is an enormous thing”.

How I interpreted this message was that she will never have to accomplish anything else in her life to matter, just her existence was enough. Ugly tears!!!

Then, I came across this today…

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DG9aMcDOnrJ/?igsh=MTF1eHU2N2lkb2thbA==

…and honestly James’s birthday reflection echos the same message. “I am worthy of love. Because you are.”

I certainly feel this way about my children. I hope they never feel the burden to have to prove themselves, the fact that they exist is enough.

We are all enough ❤️

False Alarm

Wendy K.Leave a comment

In my last post, I recommended using a continuous glucose monitor, and then hours later, we experienced our first false alarm, meh!

Right around 1:30am this morning, the first alarm wakes me up and warns that my mom’s blood sugar is low. I bring her a peanut butter sandwich. She tells me that she had just finished snacking on a cookie and her blood sugar was in the 100s a few seconds ago. She eats half of the sandwich anyway and drinks some Glucerna.

A few minutes later the Libre app adjusts and corrects her glucose numbers.

I asked ChatGPT about it and this is what it said…

1. It measures interstitial fluid, not blood

The sensor reads glucose in the fluid between cells, which lags behind blood glucose by ~5–15 minutes.

If glucose is rising or falling quickly, you can see brief dips or spikes that don’t last. The algorithm may briefly interpret a downward trend, then correct itself.

This is the #1 reason for quick flip-flops.

2. Compression lows (very common)

If pressure is on the sensor—like:

Lying on it Leaning against a chair or armrest Tight clothing or a BP cuff

Blood flow around the sensor drops → the reading can suddenly look low, then pop back up once pressure is relieved.

3. Algorithm smoothing & recalculation

Libre 3 Plus updates every minute, but it also:

Uses recent readings to predict trends Recalculates when new data comes in

So you might see:

Minute 1: “Hmm, looks low” Minute 2: “Okay, nope—false alarm”

Especially common when glucose is hovering near a threshold.

4. Sensor settling or aging

First 24 hours after applying a new sensor = more noise Last day or two before expiration can also be jumpy

This doesn’t mean it’s broken—just less stable.

5. Hydration & circulation

Dehydration, poor circulation, or illness (very relevant during chemo, infections, or hospital stays) can make readings fluctuate more than usual.

Now we know 😑 My mom was already annoyed with the beeping, false alarms are definitely not helping matters. 😳 I am still a fan, even if it erroneously interrupted my sleep this morning.

Cancer with Diabetes

Wendy K.Leave a comment

I highly recommend a continuous glucose monitor. My mom is using the FreeStyle Libre 3 Plus Sensor. On Sunday, 2/1/26 (2 day post-chemo) it did its job and woke us up twice when my mom’s blood sugar dropped uncomfortably low.

I woke her up and asked her to eat something. Right after her infusions, she has no appetite and it’s often challenging finding nutritious things that she is willing to eat or drink.

These items have worked for her this round:

  • Glucerna
  • Bone broth
  • Glucose Gummies (quick hit of sugar)
  • Yogurt drink (she prefers this to eating regular yogurt but her anemia has made cold things not as tolerable)
  • Peanut Butter on a slice of wheat bread
  • Egg bites
  • Tofu

My only problem with the glucose monitor is that my mom keeps turning off her phone because she doesn’t like that it keeps beeping at her. The Libre device depends on Bluetooth connectivity so the requirement is that her phone stays on and is close to her. She finds the alerts annoying but I get nervous when I don’t see her glucose levels updating, fortunately my app will alert me when the device has stopped recording.

I asked my mom’s oncologist about medicinal marijuana, we will discuss after we see how she is eating this fourth round.

Every day, we just try to keep mom strong enough to keep fighting. I know she’s frustrated and tired of being fatigued and sick. She hasn’t driven since 12/29/25. I know she feels that she has lost her independence. I just keep reminding her that all of this is temporary. If we can push past the last 2 chemo treatments, the goal is that she will win her battle with cancer, resume her independence, and enjoy several quality years of life.

Worrywart Wendy

Wendy K.Leave a comment

My mom received her 4th infusion treatment yesterday (Fri. 1/30)

I am a bit of an insomniac so rarely sleep well, Thursday night was no exception. I administered her IV antibiotic at 11:30pm and then at 3am gave her the dose of Dexamethasone (I did not forget this time). I tossed and turned the rest of the night anxious about whether my mom’s body was ready for this next chemotherapy session and dreading the inevitable decline in appetite and energy she would experience following the infusion.

After 3 prior chemo sessions, I now know enough to obsessively worry about…

  • Low potassium
  • Low sodium
  • Low glucose
  • Low calcium
  • Dehydration
  • Immobility
  • Anemia
  • Infection

Unfortunately, being educated doesn’t equate to being able to control.

Earlier this week my mom started using a glucose monitor. It has been a huge source of comfort for me! It constantly reads my mom’s glucose levels and sends the reading to her phone. More importantly it links to my phone!

Why don’t all diabetics that use insulin automatically get this device prescribed to them by their doctors?!?

Is there a tool for monitoring potassium and sodium levels? That would be helpful for cancer patients.

Mom had a good day today. She has been eating and active. But I’m still nervous every time I go check on her.

Not sure my anxiety will ever get better. For now if you are ever wondering what I’m up to, I’m probably in the LibreLinkUp app on my phone checking glucose levels because that is the only thing we can control.

Mistakes

Wendy K.Leave a comment

It’s true, everyone makes mistakes but when the mistake inflicts pain on another person, it’s hard to not beat yourself up about it.

Three times I screwed up and failed my mom:

1. The very first time my mom had a chemo infusion, I forgot to put the lidocaine and prilocaine cream on the skin covering her port. When the infusion nurse stuck the port, she screamed out in pain. The nurse looked at me and asked whether we used the numbing cream. And that is when I realized why my mom was prescribed the cream. I felt so bad.

2. After a week of administering the IV antibiotics to my mom to treat the infection in her blood, I had used all of the first of two boxes the pharmacy had given us of the sodium chloride saline flush solution. I instinctively grabbed 2 tubes of what I thought was saline flush and continued administering my mom’s morning dose. I noticed the tubes looked different than the ones from the first box but I assumed the second box had smaller tubes and it didn’t really matter whether we flushed her PICC line with 5mL or 10mL of the saline flush. It wasn’t until I was cleaning up that I realized what I actually flushed her PICC line with before and after the antibiotic was Heparin Lock flush. I panicked! I called the nurse and she said it should be ok, to go ahead and flush it with the sodium chloride saline and monitor for any new bruises or bleeding gums. I felt like the biggest idiot for poisoning my mom. It was a really careless mistake. The pharmacy sent the box of heparin but since we were administering her medication every 8 hours, the nurse said we did not need to use the heparin to prevent clots in the PICC line.

3. Forgot to remind my mom to take her chemotherapy prep medication before her infusion treatment. She is supposed to take Dexamethasone 12 hours and 6 hours before her treatment. I completely flaked and did not remember until we were headed to the clinic the morning of her treatment. FYI, if you forget but have the medication with you, you can just take a dose at the clinic before they start. But I did not have the medication with me, honestly I didn’t even know where my mom had put it in her room. We postponed treatment a couple of days. I was really upset at myself.

My mom was not upset at me for any of these mistakes. She kept apologizing to me for being such a burden and feels so bad that so much is on my shoulders. Admittedly, all of this is very heavy but it’s not her fault either. No one would choose to be sick. Just a crap situation for all of us.

Underbelly turned Armor

Wendy K.Leave a comment

I started writing my first Cancer Sucks post last year before my mom was officially diagnosed. After her diagnosis, I had zero interest in ruminating the chaos so I didn’t bother finishing the post. Life seemed to stabilize and I was no longer consumed with chasing appointments and following up with insurance companies and doctors.

I honestly did not plan to document anything further. But when my mom was hospitalized for two weeks, I felt so anxious and out of control. There was so much idle wait time and my brain was not in the right state of mind to complete any meaningful deliverables for work. So while I sat with my mom in the hospital, I made hand drawn cards and listened to music. Then after a week, I decided to channel my nervous energy into documenting what was happening to my mom in the hopes of providing some helpful insight for others who were starting their own cancer journey.

I had grand plans to create useful templates for medical contacts and medication lists. Maybe even useful reference guides but then it became too overwhelming to make sure the content was perfect.

I abandoned the need to be productive and decided to just journal for my mental health. I wasn’t sure if I would publish anything I wrote because sharing the news and providing updates to even a few close family & friends oftentimes left me feeling incredibly vulnerable.

But one of the coolest things about opening up to people, is the number of people who have reciprocated and shared their personal experiences with cancer, caretaking, or navigating the healthcare system. It’s incredible how many people were not only able to understand but also taught me many helpful things. I would not wish this experience on anyone but being able to relate to those who have walked the same path has been both validating and encouraging.

Thank you for your positive vibes, support, & prayers. I feel less alone and strengthened to keep trudging along.

Back in the Emergency Room

Wendy K.Leave a comment

After less than a week home, my mom ended up back in the ER. The cause, hypoglycemia, extremely low blood sugar. Cancer patients suffer from loss of appetite, BUT when you are a diabetic cancer patient, things are extra challenging.

Horrific does not even begin to explain what can happen to a person going through a hypoglycemic episode. My mom was rolling around, grabbing herself, convulsing, screaming. She remembers NOTHING, but my sister and I will never be able to forget.

This time, when we called 911 right before midnight on 1/24/26, a team of 4 firefighters arrived first, followed by 2 paramedics. They checked her glucose level and it was in the 40s. The paramedics administered sugar water via an IV and she became responsive pretty soon afterwards. Even though she seemed normal, her heart rate was concerningly low. They recommended taking her to the ER.

I could not brave the hospital alone this time around. It was all so overwhelming. My husband went with me and we asked our 16 year old son to keep an eye on his younger brothers.

Fortunately, the ER doctor decided my mom did not need to be admitted. He attributed the low heart rate to new medication she had been prescribed during her last hospital stay so told me to pause that medication and after he felt her glucose levels were stabilized, he released my mom. We were home before 5am on 1/25/26.

Earlier that same day (5pm) I had gotten in an argument with my mom. She was annoyed that I was nagging her about not eating enough nutritious food. She told me that if she could eat then she would eat, but everything was making her want to vomit. She told me I wasn’t sick so I didn’t understand and asked if I thought she was intentionally not eating. I told her that obviously she was not doing anything on purpose, no one wants to be sick. I just wanted to ensure that the little she ate was nutritious. I told her that if she is not able to eat, then at least drink the Glucerna shakes. She asked me why I was yelling at her if I didn’t think she was not eating on purpose. The last thing I said to her that night was, “Forget it, I won’t say anything to you anymore, do what you want!” The last thing she said to me was, “I should just go die”

Not our best moment, It’s a lose lose situation. She’s right, I’m not the one who is sick. But I am the one going through it ALL with her. Going forward, I told her that it’s important she is fully transparent with her doctors. Be honest about the hard days. My mom is such a prideful person, she hates appearing weak. If she was already annoyed with me chasing after her diet, she was really going to loathe me monitoring her glucose / insulin. All of this sucks, because as previously stated…cancer sucks! What can you do when life just seems to pile on and you feel completely out of control? I don’t know, but for us….we are going to just keep on fighting, one day, one challenge at a time.

Positive vibes and prayers appreciated.

Notable Mentions

Wendy K.Leave a comment

We should acknowledge and celebrate those who commit to 12+ hour shifts and navigate the demanding world of hospital life. Their work is far from easy, often involving challenging, gory, and emotional situations. When we come across individuals who not only show up but do so with a positive attitude, they deserve our recognition and appreciation, not harm.

The tragic death of ICU Nurse Alex Pretti in Minnesota is heartbreaking. This outrageous event prompted me to reflect on the numerous nurses, doctors, technicians, and various hospital staff involved in my mom’s care. Some of them, angels on earth, whom I will forever be grateful to for their kindness and extra care they showed to my mom during her hospital stay.

Nurse Tasha, ER Nurse, took such good care of my mom despite being so busy running around handling the insane number of patients in the ER that evening. My mom arrived at the ER a little before 9pm on 1/4 but did not get moved into a room until 4:30pm on 1/5 (almost 20 hours later). She was admitted before 2am on 1/5 but the ER and hospital were at capacity with at least 8 people laying in bed in the open area without rooms. I saw a man getting an open head wound stitched up right in the walkway of the ER. My mom was lucky to have a room. Despite the chaos in the ER, Tasha was very kind and patient.

Hands down, Nurse Wene was my favorite night nurse. She was attentive to my mother, and worked really hard to keep her comfortable. I don’t know exactly how to explain the warmth I felt from her, but it felt special.

Nurse Gene from the surgery / procedure prep team was someone we had met prior to to this second hospital visit. He was one of the nurses that helped my mom when she had her paracentesis procedures at the end of 2025. He also exhibited compassion that felt genuine.

Dr. C, the Infection Disease doctor, was wonderful. He was thorough and aggressive when it came to treating my mom’s infection. He checked on her regularly, even late at night. He listened to our concerns regarding the pain she was feeling in the area around ribs, and I appreciated him checking her spleen (behind the ribs) to make sure infection had not settled there.

My mom had two general doctors during her stay. Dr. S and Dr. N. The experience between the two were night and day. I never got the feeling that the first doctor was really concerned about any of the symptoms my mom was experiencing, he seemed dismissive and ready to leave as soon as he walked in the room. Dr. N on the other hand, was amazing. She was wiling to listen to our concerns, address them, and take the time to explain. I was really happy when she took over my mom’s care.

Kerry, one of the hospital staff in surgery, helped my mom get a new bed after her surgery. Her bed was malfunctioning the evening before, and kept auto-calling the nurses. Maintenance was not able to remediate the night before, so the poor nurses had to deal with the constant calls from my mom’s bed. When I mentioned it to him, he made sure to grab her a new bed but even more kind was him taking the time to chat with me while I was waiting for my mom in the surgery waiting room the day she had her port removed. I was really feeling overwhelmed by everything, and just that little conversation brightened my day.

Donna, my mom’s case manager, who helped me navigate a 2 hour call with insurance and then get my mom squared away with her IV Antibiotics delivery and home health care (nurse, occupational therapist, & physical therapist).

I also came to know Kaden, a 19 year old, who cleaned my mom’s hospital room regularly and Jeremy the staff member from the kitchen who delivered my mom her food.

All of you matter, and all of you made a difference in our lives!

TOO WEAK / TWO WEEKS

Wendy K.Leave a comment

My mom was admitted to the hospital on 1/4/26 and discharged on 1/18/26. In those two weeks, a lot occurred…

Day 1 – Admitted, given potassium, calcium, sodium
Day 2 – Chest Xray, Brain CT
Day 3 – Bacteria found in bloodwork, IV Antibiotics started
Day 4 – Pain on both sides of torso (rib area), starts seeing black floaters, Echocardiogram
Day 6 – TEE procedure
Day 7- Surgery to remove her port, confirmed to be the source of the bacteria infection in her blood
Day 8 – MRI of lumbar & thoracic spine to check for infection
Day 9 – Chest pain
Day 10 – CTA (CT Angiography)
Day 12 – Cardiac Catheterization revealed severely blocked arteries in her heart. As a cancer patient, she is not a candidate for heart bypass surgery.
Day 13 – Abdominal Sonogram
Day 14 – Hemoglobin low leading to blood transfusion
Day 15 – Abdominal CT Scan, Chest Xray, PICC Placed, Discharged

On top of all of the above, my poor momma endured so many blood withdrawals, IVs, medications. She was weak, confused, in pain, and frustrated.

It was a challenging two weeks. My mom felt like she was in prison, and I struggled to balance all my responsibilities as a daughter, mother, sister, wife, & employee.

In the end, my mom did not qualify for rehabilitation because she was walking around well enough, so our options were skilled nursing or bringing her home and someone learning how to administer the IV Antibiotics for her every 8 hours. Her oncologist and her doctor both advised against skilled nursing, so…I was trained and she came home.

Sky High to Rock Bottom

Wendy K.Leave a comment

My mom was doing great! She had completed 2 out of 6 infusions. She had started to gain weight. In between the infusion treatments, my mom was feeling good and even started to have an appetite. On 12/16/25, we received positive news. Her CA-124 (protein released into the blood by some cancer cells) level went from 876 to 191. The 191 result came from labs taken on 12/2/25 right before her second infusion, so that was the result of just one treatment! Her third infusion was scheduled for 12/30/25 and her oncologist scheduled a PET scan for 1/8/26. We would review the results of the PET scan with him on 1/15/26. Things were moving in the right direction.

Earlier in the year, I planned a trip to Nashville for my mom, sister, and I to attend the Amy Grant & Vince Gill Christmas Concert at The Ryman. I have fond childhood memories of my mom and step-father listening and singing along to Vince Gill songs. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I thought we might have to cancel the trip. However, her oncologist gave us the green light and said the timing of the trip should work out between her second and third treatments. We flew to Nashville on Friday, 12/19/22 and spent three nights in Tennessee. We visited the Country Music Hall of Fame, enjoyed the Christmas Concert at The Ryman Auditorium, hopped on the Trolley Tours, and took it easy and rested between activities and meals.

We returned home on 12/22/25 and the very next day we had family (two cousins and an aunt) from Taiwan fly in to visit my mom. It really meant a lot to my mom that they traveled so far to come and support her. We enjoyed Christmas together and they were wonderful company. She felt so much love. It was a great end to a stressful year.

On 12/30/25 my mom completed her third infusion treatment. Three days later, she stayed in bed and said she just felt tired. She slept a lot the next two days and by Sunday, 1/4/26 she was incoherent. I called the ambulance and she was taken to the ER. She had low potassium, low calcium, and was dehydrated. It was scary. The way she was acting, I was worried she had a stroke. I had no idea potassium was so important! My mom was incredibly weak, she could not sit up in the bed, she could not answer simple questions. I honestly didn’t know if she would survive. The ER pumped her full of all the things and by Monday, she was able to carry a conversation but still really weak. The staff kept asking if she used a wheelchair, walker, or cane at home. I told them she was walking up the stairs and driving before she was admitted into the hospital. I did not understand how she went from being completely independent to immobile. One of the nurses explained to me that all people will experience challenges with mobility if they lay in bed for a couple of days, but for elderly people, the decline is quick. I was horrified just how quickly my mom’s body had deteriorated.

On Tuesday (1/6/26) morning, when I arrived at the hospital, she was shaking and complained about being cold. Ten minutes later, she said she was really hot. Her doctor said that bacteria had popped up in her bloodwork, hinting at an infection. She was uncomfortable and looked worse than she did on Monday. I left that afternoon feeling really worried, I was not sure if my mom would ever be able to walk again. At the very least, she was definitely going to need physical therapy and more than likely would get sent to rehabilitation before she could return home.

When I returned later that day, I was shocked to find her bed empty and her sitting on the toilet. This crazy lady had disobeyed the nurse’s orders and gotten out of her bed and slowly made her way to the restroom by herself. I was SHOCKED! Even though I was upset that she was walking around on her own, I was so relieved to see her on her feet! She definitely still had some fight in her.