Bad Guy

Wendy K.Leave a comment

I’m the bad guy, but not the cool version that Billie Eilish sings about, the one that annoys 73 year old women and make them avoid you like the plague.

I am sick of being the bad guy…

  • the one who has to question why my nom still has medicine in her Mon AM pill slot on Monday evening
  • the one who has to obsess about what she is eating 24 hours before a scheduled PET scan because of the required no carb, no sugar diet restriction.
  • the one who has to cancel the PET scan the evening before because her blood sugar dipped too low, forcing her to eat carbs / sugar for a quick fix
  • the one who has to ask her if she’s gotten out of bed and walked around when your sister says she’s in pain and can’t move in the bed
  • the one who has to repeatedly answer the same questions because she either has chemo brain fog or dementia or “doesn’t pay attention to what I say” (her words not mine)

Thoughts that have crossed my mind today…

  • Uninstalling the LibreLinkUp app and just live in blissful ignorance about my mom’s blood sugar.
  • Not monitoring her diet before her PET Scan scheduled for next Monday and letting the results be what they are, even if it ends up being erroneous.
  • Running away (just kidding, 🤔)

Detour

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My mom’s oncologist decided that one more round of chemo was in the cards. Boooo hisss ewwwww!!! So on 4/7/26 instead of starting maintenance like we originally hoped, my mom had her 7th round of chemotherapy.

I had a work conflict so I asked for help from family to drop my mom off at her chemo appointment. I packed her lunch and snacks for the day and asked her to make sure she took her insulin and syringes. She was annoyed with my micromanaging and after a series of eye rolling and requests for me to “just leave” I lost my temper and left for work angry!

Later that morning when I checked her location, Life360 showed her phone still at home and her Continuous Glucose Monitor had stopped tracking since 8:15 am. There were two possibilities, she left her phone at home or her cellular was disabled. I stated to panic but reminded myself that she had nurses around so if something happened they could handle or call me.

Honestly, it ended up being a blessing to be disconnected for the day.

Next Stop: Maintenance

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My mom’s 6th chemotherapy was last Tuesday, March 17th. It was originally scheduled for Friday, March 13th but had to be postponed to accommodate a new port placement on Monday, March 16th.

I am nervous about the possibility of this new port becoming infected like the last one but with 13 months of maintenance, requiring Bevacizumab infusions every 3 weeks, a new port made sense.

My mom has had continued discomfort on the left side of her abdomen under the breast but after two chest x-rays and an abdominal ultrasound, her oncologist is not seeing anything concerning. She has had to take a couple of doses of pain medication which has its own adverse side effect of constipation.

My mom still suffers from poor appetite but she does make an attempt to eat and drink. Her efforts are evident with no additional hospitalizations after her last 3 treatments. So I consider that WINNING!

I was hopeful that maintenance would be a time of recovery for my mom, but I learned at her last oncologist appointment that she will also be prescribed oral pills in addition to the Bevacizumab infusions. In my initial research and conversations with the infusion nurses, I learned that pill medications during maintenance usually result in continued nausea and other unpleasant symptoms. This was so disheartening. I have been avoiding talking about this with my mom. I wanted her to enjoy the milestone of completing her 6 rounds of chemotherapy without the dark cloud of 13 months of continued maintenance.

She has bloodwork scheduled for Monday, an appointment with her oncologist on Thursday and a PET scan in the near future.

I continue to be anxious about her memory but only time will tell if it’s chemo brain or dementia.

She’s come a long way and I really hope things become easier for her.

Life has been busy and things eerily calm with my mom’s cancer…in this case, no news really meant good news. I appreciate those who randomly text me and ask about my mom. Thank you for keeping her in your thoughts.

Food Fight

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I wonder if other families going through cancer have the same frustrations with food or if this is just a ME thing.

As long as I can remember, food has always been such an important part of my life. Food has always equaled love for me. When I was a kid, I remember my dad coming to pick me and my sister up to take us to McDonald’s on the weekends before we moved out of state (California to Texas). When we would visit him for Spring Break, Winter Break, & Summer vacation, we had multi-dish dinners every night and he would keep his house stocked with all our favorite quick prep microwave foods, snacks, & drinks to help ourselves to when he was at work. My mom worked full-time but still managed to cook dinner for us every night. She always found some way to efficiently create balanced meals with carbs, protein, & vegetables all in one pot. And I have fond memories of weekend trips to Chinatown (Richardson, TX) to enjoy lunch with my mom and sister. Every one of our family / friend get togethers centered around food and lots of it! To this day, if I were to call my mom or dad on the phone, one of the first questions I would be asked is, “have you eaten?” 🥰

The unhealthy side of my relationship with food involved being forced to clean my plate and never wasting food. It led to bad habits of over overeating that I honestly still struggle with as an adult. I am also very conscientious of wasting food and have a difficult time throwing leftovers away and cleaning not just my own plate but my family’s plates too. I was also cursed with digestive challenges. If I wasn’t throwing up from motion sickness or drinking carbonated beverages then I was struggling with constipation. I avoided sodas as a kid and I am still obsessed with getting enough fiber every day.

When I became a mom, my biggest struggle with my children was food related. While my best friend focused on sleep training her children, I was obsessed with their food intake. Her children slept independently within months, while my two youngest still have terrible sleep habits. I was always willing to sacrifice my own sleep, but I was never willing to compromise on making sure they ate balanced meals.

I guess knowing all this about myself, I shouldn’t be surprised that this is the one area that is the most contentious for my mom and I.

Her lack of an appetite, the amount of food, and nutritional quality she intakes has consumed so much of my daily interactions with my mom. I know that both of us are beyond frustrated with each other.

She had her fifth chemotherapy session this last Friday, 2/20/26 and these are the high/low glucose alerts from Friday thru Sunday morning.

We both feel out of control for very different reasons. She doesn’t understand why after being able to control and manage her diabetes for about 30 years independently it has become so challenging now. I feel out of control because she is 73 years old and “she knows her body” better than me and the doctors.

Here’s what I do know, most cancer patients do not actually die from the cancer. At least three people have told me that their loved ones died from pneumonia, and two people have told me their loved ones fell and suffered fatal head trauma.

My mom is scheduled to have her last chemo infusion mid-March and then she will be in “maintenance”. But it’s hard not to be doom and gloom, knowing the dangers of a weakened immune system and the fact that she also has three severely blocked heart valves.

What if…🥺

There are too many things to worry about for this pessimist. My best friend reminds me to consider how I want to remember my relationship with my mom. I know I don’t want our last interactions to be fraught with arguments. I need the strength to keep my mouth shut and letting things be if there is no immediate danger. She has insulin to combat the highs and glucose gummies to deal with the lows. It is what it is.

Resetting The Year

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Tuesday, February 17, 2006 was Lunar New Year! Honestly, January 2026 started off so stressful that I was glad for a redo! I’m officially counting Lunar New Year as the start of our 2026, bidding farewell to all the negative experiences and welcoming positive energy and good vibes!

Year of the Horse

On Lunar New Year’s Eve and Lunar New Year’s Day, I made sure to wear red, down to my shoes! Red symbolizes “good fortune, happiness, vitality, and the warding off of evil spirits”.

My mom and I decorated the house with pops of red Sunday night and we hosted New Year’s Eve dinner on Monday. It was good to see my mom excited to celebrate. I outsourced about 80% of our dinner, and it was the best decision!

My mom really wanted to cook the dishes herself but I told her it would be easier if we just bought prepared food. We drove to Chinatown the Saturday before and purchased duck, chicken, bbq pork, roast pork, dumplings, sticky rice, steamed buns, shumai, & sticky rice cake.

On Monday, I left work early so I could get home to heat up all our prepared food and cook a few additional dishes (rice noodles, cauliflower, & broccoli).

My mom came into the kitchen to help but after a little bit, she said she was tired and wanted to take a nap. She ate 2 shumai dumplings before going to her room and that ended up being the only thing she ate the rest of the evening. This made me sad but I was happy that she had the energy to be physically present with us the entire evening even if she didn’t eat. She did enjoy the food as leftovers the rest of the week.

Today, my mom had an appointment with her oncologist. He shared the good news that her CA-125 level was now at 44 (down from over 200). This means that she does appear to be responsive to the treatment so she will continue moving forward with her original treatment plan. Her fifth treatment is tomorrow and if all goes well, the sixth and final treatment should occur on March 13th! She will still have maintenance every 3 weeks to suppress new cancer growth but it will not be chemotherapy and it should be easier on her body.

Obviously a lot can happen between chemo infusion treatments, but we are going to celebrate the positive news and continue to take it one day at a time.

I may consider wearing red every single day this year, ha!

Side story: In Chinatown, some establishments are CASH ONLY. This past Saturday, I forgot to bring cash with me. I had some cash but definitely not enough to pay for my entire order. This amazing person noticed me panicking after I placed my order. He offered to give me cash in exchange for Zelle. I had no cell service so I had to call Jon and ask him to Zelle money to this stranger. This dude straight up gave me $200 cash and was not even concerned about me not being able to show him proof that the Zelle had been sent. Yes, I could have gone to the bank or cancelled the order but thanks to a nice stranger, I didn’t have to. So Alex, thank you for easing my day! I’m so grateful for your kindness!

Enough

Wendy K.Leave a comment

The passing of James Van Der Beek is heartbreaking. It’s a reality check for me that treatment doesn’t always result in cure.

Last Thursday, my mom’s oncologist raised a concern that my mom’s latest blood tests showed her CA-125 (or CA-124?) level was in the 200s (previously it had gone down to 191). He said that my mom may be resistant to her treatment and recommended continued lab work over the next couple of weeks before determining next steps. His hope is to continue with her treatment but hinted that a change in plans may be required.

I recently created a count down calendar for my mom. I pencilled in the last two infusion treatments, showing her that if she stayed healthy enough to maintain the every 3 week schedule, her final treatment would be March 13th!

Now, we are back in the unknown. I am worried that if she has to change treatments, it will mean more than 2 more treatments. I question whether my mom’s heart and mental state can endure it.

All of this has been overwhelming, but we will continue to take it one day at a time, because what’s the alternative?

My mind has been heavy with existential thoughts. No doubt inspired by my mom’s cancer diagnosis and her long hospital stays. The recent unexpected passing of my best friend’s dad, who was a mentor to me early in my career was yet another reminder of the fragility of life. I have been anxiously thinking about what I should be doing to ensure I lived a worthwhile existence. The only thing I can think to do is to just be present. I don’t know what will ultimately be the outcome of my mom’s fight with cancer, but I will continue to be in the day to day with her and make sure she knows how much I love her and how much she matters to me.

A few years ago I read “When Breath Becomes Air” by Paul Kalanith. The book is a personal account of a neurosurgeon’s journey with terminal lung cancer. It was raw, tragic, & beautiful. At the time of his death, his daughter was 8 months old and he writes the most powerful message to her:

“When you come to one of the many moments in life where you must give an account of yourself, provide a ledger of what you have been, and done, and meant to the world, do not, I pray, discount that you filled a dying man’s days with a sated joy, a joy unknown to me in all my prior years, a joy that does not hunger for more and more but rests, satisfied. In this time, right now, that is an enormous thing”.

How I interpreted this message was that she will never have to accomplish anything else in her life to matter, just her existence was enough. Ugly tears!!!

Then, I came across this today…

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DG9aMcDOnrJ/?igsh=MTF1eHU2N2lkb2thbA==

…and honestly James’s birthday reflection echos the same message. “I am worthy of love. Because you are.”

I certainly feel this way about my children. I hope they never feel the burden to have to prove themselves, the fact that they exist is enough.

We are all enough ❤️

False Alarm

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In my last post, I recommended using a continuous glucose monitor, and then hours later, we experienced our first false alarm, meh!

Right around 1:30am this morning, the first alarm wakes me up and warns that my mom’s blood sugar is low. I bring her a peanut butter sandwich. She tells me that she had just finished snacking on a cookie and her blood sugar was in the 100s a few seconds ago. She eats half of the sandwich anyway and drinks some Glucerna.

A few minutes later the Libre app adjusts and corrects her glucose numbers.

I asked ChatGPT about it and this is what it said…

1. It measures interstitial fluid, not blood

The sensor reads glucose in the fluid between cells, which lags behind blood glucose by ~5–15 minutes.

If glucose is rising or falling quickly, you can see brief dips or spikes that don’t last. The algorithm may briefly interpret a downward trend, then correct itself.

This is the #1 reason for quick flip-flops.

2. Compression lows (very common)

If pressure is on the sensor—like:

Lying on it Leaning against a chair or armrest Tight clothing or a BP cuff

Blood flow around the sensor drops → the reading can suddenly look low, then pop back up once pressure is relieved.

3. Algorithm smoothing & recalculation

Libre 3 Plus updates every minute, but it also:

Uses recent readings to predict trends Recalculates when new data comes in

So you might see:

Minute 1: “Hmm, looks low” Minute 2: “Okay, nope—false alarm”

Especially common when glucose is hovering near a threshold.

4. Sensor settling or aging

First 24 hours after applying a new sensor = more noise Last day or two before expiration can also be jumpy

This doesn’t mean it’s broken—just less stable.

5. Hydration & circulation

Dehydration, poor circulation, or illness (very relevant during chemo, infections, or hospital stays) can make readings fluctuate more than usual.

Now we know 😑 My mom was already annoyed with the beeping, false alarms are definitely not helping matters. 😳 I am still a fan, even if it erroneously interrupted my sleep this morning.

Cancer with Diabetes

Wendy K.Leave a comment

I highly recommend a continuous glucose monitor. My mom is using the FreeStyle Libre 3 Plus Sensor. On Sunday, 2/1/26 (2 day post-chemo) it did its job and woke us up twice when my mom’s blood sugar dropped uncomfortably low.

I woke her up and asked her to eat something. Right after her infusions, she has no appetite and it’s often challenging finding nutritious things that she is willing to eat or drink.

These items have worked for her this round:

  • Glucerna
  • Bone broth
  • Glucose Gummies (quick hit of sugar)
  • Yogurt drink (she prefers this to eating regular yogurt but her anemia has made cold things not as tolerable)
  • Peanut Butter on a slice of wheat bread
  • Egg bites
  • Tofu

My only problem with the glucose monitor is that my mom keeps turning off her phone because she doesn’t like that it keeps beeping at her. The Libre device depends on Bluetooth connectivity so the requirement is that her phone stays on and is close to her. She finds the alerts annoying but I get nervous when I don’t see her glucose levels updating, fortunately my app will alert me when the device has stopped recording.

I asked my mom’s oncologist about medicinal marijuana, we will discuss after we see how she is eating this fourth round.

Every day, we just try to keep mom strong enough to keep fighting. I know she’s frustrated and tired of being fatigued and sick. She hasn’t driven since 12/29/25. I know she feels that she has lost her independence. I just keep reminding her that all of this is temporary. If we can push past the last 2 chemo treatments, the goal is that she will win her battle with cancer, resume her independence, and enjoy several quality years of life.

Worrywart Wendy

Wendy K.Leave a comment

My mom received her 4th infusion treatment yesterday (Fri. 1/30)

I am a bit of an insomniac so rarely sleep well, Thursday night was no exception. I administered her IV antibiotic at 11:30pm and then at 3am gave her the dose of Dexamethasone (I did not forget this time). I tossed and turned the rest of the night anxious about whether my mom’s body was ready for this next chemotherapy session and dreading the inevitable decline in appetite and energy she would experience following the infusion.

After 3 prior chemo sessions, I now know enough to obsessively worry about…

  • Low potassium
  • Low sodium
  • Low glucose
  • Low calcium
  • Dehydration
  • Immobility
  • Anemia
  • Infection

Unfortunately, being educated doesn’t equate to being able to control.

Earlier this week my mom started using a glucose monitor. It has been a huge source of comfort for me! It constantly reads my mom’s glucose levels and sends the reading to her phone. More importantly it links to my phone!

Why don’t all diabetics that use insulin automatically get this device prescribed to them by their doctors?!?

Is there a tool for monitoring potassium and sodium levels? That would be helpful for cancer patients.

Mom had a good day today. She has been eating and active. But I’m still nervous every time I go check on her.

Not sure my anxiety will ever get better. For now if you are ever wondering what I’m up to, I’m probably in the LibreLinkUp app on my phone checking glucose levels because that is the only thing we can control.

Mistakes

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It’s true, everyone makes mistakes but when the mistake inflicts pain on another person, it’s hard to not beat yourself up about it.

Three times I screwed up and failed my mom:

1. The very first time my mom had a chemo infusion, I forgot to put the lidocaine and prilocaine cream on the skin covering her port. When the infusion nurse stuck the port, she screamed out in pain. The nurse looked at me and asked whether we used the numbing cream. And that is when I realized why my mom was prescribed the cream. I felt so bad.

2. After a week of administering the IV antibiotics to my mom to treat the infection in her blood, I had used all of the first of two boxes the pharmacy had given us of the sodium chloride saline flush solution. I instinctively grabbed 2 tubes of what I thought was saline flush and continued administering my mom’s morning dose. I noticed the tubes looked different than the ones from the first box but I assumed the second box had smaller tubes and it didn’t really matter whether we flushed her PICC line with 5mL or 10mL of the saline flush. It wasn’t until I was cleaning up that I realized what I actually flushed her PICC line with before and after the antibiotic was Heparin Lock flush. I panicked! I called the nurse and she said it should be ok, to go ahead and flush it with the sodium chloride saline and monitor for any new bruises or bleeding gums. I felt like the biggest idiot for poisoning my mom. It was a really careless mistake. The pharmacy sent the box of heparin but since we were administering her medication every 8 hours, the nurse said we did not need to use the heparin to prevent clots in the PICC line.

3. Forgot to remind my mom to take her chemotherapy prep medication before her infusion treatment. She is supposed to take Dexamethasone 12 hours and 6 hours before her treatment. I completely flaked and did not remember until we were headed to the clinic the morning of her treatment. FYI, if you forget but have the medication with you, you can just take a dose at the clinic before they start. But I did not have the medication with me, honestly I didn’t even know where my mom had put it in her room. We postponed treatment a couple of days. I was really upset at myself.

My mom was not upset at me for any of these mistakes. She kept apologizing to me for being such a burden and feels so bad that so much is on my shoulders. Admittedly, all of this is very heavy but it’s not her fault either. No one would choose to be sick. Just a crap situation for all of us.