Receiving any sort of negative medical news brings on a roller coaster of emotions. When we thought my mom had liver cirrhosis and would have to manage ascites and regular paracentesis procedures, it was intimidating and unbelievable. When we were told that cancer cells were found in the fluid that had been biopsied from her abdomen and all her symptoms pointed to pancreatic cancer, we were scared and sad. It felt like a death sentence. My mom felt like all of it was so unfair, she didn’t smoke, didn’t drink alcohol, and ate healthy. I was angry. I felt like all of this started with her acid reflux issues, and I was angry at her doctors for not checking for cancer earlier. There was so much trial and error with her gastroenterologists with acid reflux medication, colonoscopies, and even gall bladder surgery. I was mad at my mom for not mentioning to her doctors that her older brother had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I was mad at the ER gastroenterologist for not catching the cancer cells in the first fluid biopsy and referring her to an oncologist right then and there. I was mad at God. In between the telephone calls and medical appointments we just cry, quiet sad tears. When we found out that it was not pancreatic cancer, we felt hopeful. When her diagnostic mammogram showed calcification and required a biopsy, we held our breaths. When both her breast biopsy and brain MRI came back clean, we celebrated! Her echocardiogram came back normal, yay! Her stress test came back abnormal, boo! Each new piece of information that is revealed surfaces a new emotion. It is EXHAUSTING!
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